This ain't a scene it's a god damn arms race..
"Two-thirds of Americans are overweight or obese, yet they live in a culture that glorifies thinness."-By Alexandra Marks
We gloify thinness, but the insanity that it takes to get there makes everything ten times worse. I guess I am what people would call a yo-yo dieter. I'll slim down and bam, stress or some kind of hardship and I gain everything back, and then some, then I'll lose it all again. Because of this, my closet literally looks like a shopping mall for the plus size. You can find pants from sizes 18-28 and shirts that range from XL to 4x. Undergarments are from 7-9...I even have boots that go up my leg, that I can't wear all the time.The funny thing about it is that I can literally wear a 22 one day and wake up and have to inch my way up to a 24 or 26. Walking into my closet is like a game, the "Let's see what we can fit today" game. Diet, exercise and a active life in general...in my mind it never truly pays off. I don't just sit around the house all day. I am active. I don't drive, so I walk everywhere. I don't eat fried foods, pork chops, ribs, hamburgers, fast food...I don't eat that stuff. I don't drink pops, milk, or juice, water is my main liquid conusmption. In my mind I am already doing everything right, so I can't even begin to understand what the problem is. My dietician in the past told me that I needed to lay off the chips and second helpings...at that time I hadn't had chips in over 5 years, and I was offended when she said that. I don't eat chips. Second helpings...okay, that could be a problem, but seconds are okay with certain foods, it's not like I heap my plate. I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong...could it be the fear of extreme weight gain that has me over the edge? Is it the fear of being fat for the remainder of my life that frightens me? Doctors never have answers, and neither do I...but it's frustrating. I'd like to be thin. But I'm going to keep my goals realistic, I'll reach for 145. Maybe even 150...it seems so reasonable to me, so why in the hell can't I get there?
We gloify thinness, but the insanity that it takes to get there makes everything ten times worse. I guess I am what people would call a yo-yo dieter. I'll slim down and bam, stress or some kind of hardship and I gain everything back, and then some, then I'll lose it all again. Because of this, my closet literally looks like a shopping mall for the plus size. You can find pants from sizes 18-28 and shirts that range from XL to 4x. Undergarments are from 7-9...I even have boots that go up my leg, that I can't wear all the time.The funny thing about it is that I can literally wear a 22 one day and wake up and have to inch my way up to a 24 or 26. Walking into my closet is like a game, the "Let's see what we can fit today" game. Diet, exercise and a active life in general...in my mind it never truly pays off. I don't just sit around the house all day. I am active. I don't drive, so I walk everywhere. I don't eat fried foods, pork chops, ribs, hamburgers, fast food...I don't eat that stuff. I don't drink pops, milk, or juice, water is my main liquid conusmption. In my mind I am already doing everything right, so I can't even begin to understand what the problem is. My dietician in the past told me that I needed to lay off the chips and second helpings...at that time I hadn't had chips in over 5 years, and I was offended when she said that. I don't eat chips. Second helpings...okay, that could be a problem, but seconds are okay with certain foods, it's not like I heap my plate. I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong...could it be the fear of extreme weight gain that has me over the edge? Is it the fear of being fat for the remainder of my life that frightens me? Doctors never have answers, and neither do I...but it's frustrating. I'd like to be thin. But I'm going to keep my goals realistic, I'll reach for 145. Maybe even 150...it seems so reasonable to me, so why in the hell can't I get there?
Labels: diet
posted by Silvrrmoon at 9:33 AM
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