Whatever life brings, I've been through everything...
I'm still up..can't sleep, who cares? Today is the fourth, which means the job that I applied for at the library will begin their application reviewing process. I feel like I've been waiting forever, I can only cross my fingers and hope that I am librarian material. I've had three years expierence with another library, so it wouldn't be a new field for me...please let me get this job. $13.53 an hour. $0, living at home, with nothing straight to $13.53 an hour? Sure it's part-time, but at this point I don't care. I can start paying my college so that I can get my freaking degree on paper, I can start paying back those loansharks, I can start going to the doctors, I can start on my much needed road to plastic surgery, I can purchase things that I need....and best of all, I can find a freaking roommate and move out of here. I'm willing to go half and half on rent with someone, hell, two people even, as long as I have my own room. As long as the place is equally shared...I'm 24 years old...I need my freedom again and this just ain't cutting it.
It's so depressing around here, and my loss of freedom. The only person who truly realizes that is my older sister. She actually asked me one day how I felt about coming home from college. Four years, and then bam...I was back here. No respect, unhappy, tossed into a fucked up environment once again. I keep searching for a job, and temporarily given up on the idea of finding a career right now. I just need a job..and so quickly. I can't work fast food, and I'd rather not work as a cashier...but if this continues to fail, I'm going to apply again at Walmart and Home Depot. I don't want to, but it's an option. Honestly, on top of everything else, just being here is causing to be even more suicidal. People have suggested, "You can do anything you want." I don't really know the world that they come from, but in my world I can't. I can't just up and leave without cash, I'm not going to live on the streets. All of my friends here are married, have live in partners or have children...I'm not going to crash on their couches. I don't have a car, so I don't have the option to live out of my car for a few weeks...I have no other options, but stay here fully depressed and suicidal and continue to hope and pray each time that I apply for a job.
I hope that I get this job, I'm starting to give up very quickly now...I've been searching for a job nearly a year now...I get upset with my other friends because they honestly have family support, I have absolutely nothing. No car, I don't have two parents, I don't have two working parents, I don't know how to drive, no one around here has extra money, my family lacks connections with great businesses, I have nothing. I'm literally starting with nothing...of course I know that I'm not the only one living like this...but damn, is it frustrating. You hear that with a college degree things just get easier...haha...I learned the hard way that that was a lie. I should have just stayed home and found a job. Just think, I would have had several nice raises by now, and I'd have plenty to move out on my own....I'm going to stop thinking about, it's making me want to scream.
It's so depressing around here, and my loss of freedom. The only person who truly realizes that is my older sister. She actually asked me one day how I felt about coming home from college. Four years, and then bam...I was back here. No respect, unhappy, tossed into a fucked up environment once again. I keep searching for a job, and temporarily given up on the idea of finding a career right now. I just need a job..and so quickly. I can't work fast food, and I'd rather not work as a cashier...but if this continues to fail, I'm going to apply again at Walmart and Home Depot. I don't want to, but it's an option. Honestly, on top of everything else, just being here is causing to be even more suicidal. People have suggested, "You can do anything you want." I don't really know the world that they come from, but in my world I can't. I can't just up and leave without cash, I'm not going to live on the streets. All of my friends here are married, have live in partners or have children...I'm not going to crash on their couches. I don't have a car, so I don't have the option to live out of my car for a few weeks...I have no other options, but stay here fully depressed and suicidal and continue to hope and pray each time that I apply for a job.
I hope that I get this job, I'm starting to give up very quickly now...I've been searching for a job nearly a year now...I get upset with my other friends because they honestly have family support, I have absolutely nothing. No car, I don't have two parents, I don't have two working parents, I don't know how to drive, no one around here has extra money, my family lacks connections with great businesses, I have nothing. I'm literally starting with nothing...of course I know that I'm not the only one living like this...but damn, is it frustrating. You hear that with a college degree things just get easier...haha...I learned the hard way that that was a lie. I should have just stayed home and found a job. Just think, I would have had several nice raises by now, and I'd have plenty to move out on my own....I'm going to stop thinking about, it's making me want to scream.
Labels: depressed, possible employment
posted by Silvrrmoon at 2:54 AM
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