I didn't say everything that I wanted to say...

This morning, well this afternoon actually, my mother gave me a ring. A platnium clad ring with diamoniques. I slipped it on my finger, and quickly returned it to the box. It's pretty. I like it, but right now it's just not me. Just seeing it on my finger made me want to cry. It made me realize how worthless I truly am. When I took it off she asked me if I liked it, now she's concerned that I don't like it. Where am I going to wear the ring? Oh wait...I'll just start getting dressed everyday in a suit and sit in the living room. I'll put on my three inch heels, apply my professional makeup and pretend that I'm a working woman. In fact, while I'm at it..I'll put the dog out of the house from 8am-3pm and pretend she's my daughter going to and from school. It'll be fun! I'll never take the ring out of the box to look at it anymore. I've already put it away in my jewelry box. With all the other pieces of jewelry that I enjoy, but I have nowhere to wear it to. It makes me sick just thinking about it. So sad. How did I become this? I absolutely hate my life. I hate the restrictions and the nothingness that it has become. I always had dreams of going out and really just taking on the world. I could do anything. I could become anyone. But always, I knew I'd be happy, satisfied and complete...but then I realized how important money was. Without it, there's no such thing as living your dreams. There's no such thing as anything. I don't laugh anymore. I hide out in my room all day. I'm great at crying...need some tears? Just let me know. Maybe I'll start auctioning off tears on Ebay. I'm tired of taking shit. I'm tired of the little remarks...I know that I don't have a job or a career...but I know that I've tried. I've applied. Applied and applied some more. I never thought it would have been this complicated. There were messages on the phone, my mom said there were a few for me, but she never told me who they were from. When I was finally given the passcode, my sister had already deleted everything. *sigh* I no longer feel comfortable around here. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin. I feel that everyone around here talks about me, well, I know that they do. My grandmother. My older sister. My mom. My little brother. My little sister. They talk about me. Make jokes. Get angry. And gladly make fun. I'm not proud of the situation that I'm in. I'm not proud of it at all. I've been depressed since I was a little girl, 8 years old to be exact. I've never truly been happy inside. But no matter what has happened, I've always been able to live. I've always been able to find light and reason to continue on, but not now. I have absolutely nothing. Life doesn't suck, life isn't a pain in the ass, life hurts. My life hurts and it's clearly going nowhere. Talk about running face first into a brick wall.