I can't escape falling down this time...

My plugs came in today. Yay. I got a pair of black ones, which is really cool. The arrival of my plugs are pretty extreme because everything else in my life blows right now. My student loans have gladly come back to haunt me..or beat me, whichever sounds more brutal. Maybe I could just stop at student loans. I was told even before going into school that I'd only have to pay back $15 or so a month, I don't know what the hell I was thinking, but that sounded reasonable to me. Ha fucking Ha. My loan payment is pretty close to $400 a month. I still owe the school about 3,000 and I don't have a job. So what does that mean? I keep getting mail, requesting pay and without a job I have nothing. Only now does it make sense to me...poor people shouldn't get an education. I haven't benefitted from it at all, and now I'm so fucking in debt I can't even begin to think of what is going to happen to me. When I get a job, how am I going to live alone when my loan payment will be the equivilant of living in a single, effeciency or the projects? WTF?! I'm delirious with anger. Up until high school I had this strange idea that I would do whatever I wanted to do...how fucking wrong was that? All of my dreams have been crushed by living everyone else's dreams. If it were up to me I would have NEVER gone to college. I would have never wasted my time, but my mom wanted that. I went. I graduated with honors and I don't even get a fucking thank you. I honestly didn't do that for myself. Now I'm going into debt and soon the collection agencies will be after me, and I get no help. No support. No nothing. But I can look at myself and say, "You are such a stupid bitch." I should have done my research, and I would have known that payment wouldn't have been $15 a month. Now I'm falling deeper into a depression because of this silly ass money issue and everyone thinks I'm just being dramatic. I'm sorry...I'm not being dramatic...who the fuck is going to pay these bills? At this rate, not me. I'm going to leave here and be homeless. See where education gets you kids? Nowhere.